I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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