Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
