Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
