Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
