Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
