It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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