I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
