Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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