you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
