Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
