Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
