Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
