i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
