I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
