if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
