um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
