i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
The ass gains better be worth it
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
