Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
