I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
