So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
