and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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