He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
