I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
