nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
