Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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