dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
