9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
