Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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