...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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