I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
