I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
