The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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