well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
she told me i tasted like america
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
