I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
