Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
