stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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