I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
