I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
