you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
