Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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