Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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