Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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