No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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