good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
