Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
