I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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