he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
