I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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