I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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