You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
