why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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