Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
